Parenthood

Parenthood is one of the many roles as adults we “play.” I wrote an article some time ago called “Your Authentic Self” and it spoke about how we identify with our roles and wear masks, well that is pretty much what most of us unenlightened adults do with our parenthood role.

I read section of Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose and it dealt with how we confuse parenthood as a role or function.

He pointed out that many adults play roles when they speak to young children. They use silly words and sounds. They talk down to the child. They don’t treat the child as an equal. This stems from the fact that the adults temporarily know more or that they are bigger, so they don’t see the child as an equal… as another being.

 The majority of adults, at some point in their lives will find themselves being a parent. The all-important question is: Are you able to fulfill the function of being a parent, and fulfill it well, without identifying with that function, that is, without it becoming a role?

Part of the necessary function of being a parent is looking after the needs of the child, preventing the child from getting into danger, and at times telling the child what to do and not to do.

The problem lies when being a parent becomes an identity, i.e. instead of it being a function, something you do, it starts becoming who you are…it starts to define who you! So when your sense of self is entirely or largely derived from it, the function easily becomes overemphasized, exaggerated, and takes you over. Giving children what they need becomes excessive and turns into spoiling; preventing them from getting into danger becomes over protectiveness and interferes with their need to explore the world and try things out for themselves. Telling children what to do or not to do becomes controlling, overbearing. What is more, the role-playing identity remains in place long after the need for those particular functions has passed.

Parents then cannot let go of being a parent even when the child grows into an adult. They can’t let go of the need to be needed by their child. Even when the adult child is forty years old, parents can’t let go of the notion “I know what’s best for you”. The role of parent is still being played compulsively, and so there is no authentic relationship. Parents who define themselves by that role are unconsciously afraid of loss of identity when they cease being parents. If their desire to control or influence the actions of their adult child is resisted, as it usually is, they will start to criticize or show their disapproval, or try to make the child feel guilty, all in an unconscious attempt to preserve their role, their identity. On the surface it looks as if they were concerned about their child, and they themselves even believe it, but they are only really concerned about preserving their role… their identity.

A mother or father who identifies with the parental role may also try to become more complete through their children. The parents’ ego takes over and the need to manipulate others into filling the sense of lack it (the ego) continuously feels is then directed toward them. If the mostly unconscious assumptions and motivations behind the parent’s need to manipulate their children were vocalized, they would probably include some or all of the following:

“I want you to achieve what I never achieved.”

“I want you to be somebody in the eyes of the world, so that I too can be somebody through you. Don’t disappoint me.”

“I sacrificed so much for you. “

“My disapproval of you is intended to make you feel so guilty and uncomfortable that you finally conform to my wishes. And it goes without saying that I know what’s best for you. “

“I love you and I will continue to love you if you do what I know is right for you.”

Does any of this sound or feel familiar? Is this what we have been doing?

Now when we look at them, we immediately see how absurd they are, the ego that lies behind them becomes visible, as does its dysfunction. The beautiful thing is once you see what you are doing or have been doing, you also see its futility, and that unconscious pattern then comes to an end by itself. Awareness is the greatest agent for change.

So today, right here, right now, let’s perform our parental functions and not be wrapped and identified by it, this will help us raise more conscious and well-adapted adults!

Potential Energy vs Kinetic Energy

In Physics, they talk about potential energy, this energy is known as “stored energy”, this energy is the potential to do work. We are all filled with potential energy and most of it is in the form of thoughts and ideas. So we just filled with all this potential energy and then what?

There is another form of energy in physics that we can use, it is called Kinetic Energy. This is otherwise known as the Energy of Motion.

We need to convert our potential energy into kinetic energy, in short we need to put our thoughts/ideas into action. One of the major things that stop the conversion is our expectations and our expectations affect our outcomes. If you expect to be disappointed (and most of us do) you usually are. You see, in that mode you look for the disappoints, so it is almost impossible to see the rewards. Oh, I hear some of you saying but I had expectations of rewards and was still disappointed.  Really?! I think if you are really honest with yourself and look deep within you would find that there was a part of you expecting disappointment. So change your expectations, believe that there will be rewards, look for the rewards, don’t focus the disappointments.

So let’s change our outlook/expectations and get the conversion started. Execute those ideas and be ready for the rewards.

Let’s go and convert our potential energy to kinetic energy!

Tell The TRUTH!

Here is some food for thought:

According to an ancient Hindu teaching, if you can only speak the truth and tell no lies—either miniscule or outrageous—for 12 consecutive years, you can attain enlightenment. I guess many of you are saying “oh well I guess I will never be enlightened” ha, ha.

But seriously, most of us perceive ourselves to be honest and forthright, never intentionally lying, but most of us have been taught through life’s experience to mask our true thoughts, pad our words, or simply avoid a response. We attempt to convince ourselves that a “little white lie” doesn’t matter.

The spiritual truth is: Everything matters.

Many people, however, are unclear as to what the truth is, because they haven’t told the truth to themselves for so long that they no longer recognize what the truth is. They say it doesn’t matter, when it does; convincing themselves that no one will notice or everyone cheats just a little. All such justifications are negative, even inferior, thoughts and behaviors.
A spiritual principle known to always be true is: The truth will always emerge. And when you tell the truth, there is a whole lot less to remember. 🙂

A noble being will always tell the truth. Do you? Begin now with the first step of simply noticing if you do tell the truth immediately, or if your first instinct is to pad or alter the facts a bit.

If you notice you are regularly withholding the complete truth, resolve today to be honest especially with yourself. Know it is safe to be truthful. Like many lifestyle changes, resolve to tell the truth one day at a time.

Hey, I never said it was easy but look at it this way after 4,383 days you just may become enlightened.

Also see on http://saymeando.com/are-you-telling-the-truth/

Your Authentic Self

Stop wearing the masks, stop defining yourself to everyone and especially yourself and stop letting others define you. You will actually start living the minute you stop doing that. Too many of us spend our lives living the way others think we should live/be. It is very tiring because everybody has their own opinion of how you should live/be. So to please these people you have to keep changing the masks.

Don’t get hung up on how people define you because when they define you, they are limiting themselves and that is their problem, not yours. But if you accept their definition of you then you are limiting yourself. So when you are interacting with others, take off the masks or don’t put on any, stop the role playing and be your true authentic self. When we wear masks and play roles we are saying who we are, is not good enough!

Today let’s take of the masks, stop playing the roles, let our true selves shine! Be your authentic self!

True to Yourself

Here is something worth thinking about:

“The more you try to protect, defend, prove or explain yourself, the farther you drift from authentic confidence. If someone does not want to accept you, no sales job is sufficient, and if someone accepts you, no sales job is necessary. Likewise, if someone wants to keep you guilty, no apology is acceptable, and if someone is willing to love you, no apology is necessary.”

We need to be true to ourselves, we need to love and accept ourselves. The quickier we learn this, the happier we will be. Stop trying to get people to see things your way, if what you are doing truly please you and makes you genuinely happy, then keep doing it. The people who around will benefit from a happier you, if they don’t, then they will leave as they should:-).

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony“….. Gandhi

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